I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas: 6 Ways to Go Green This Christmas

Source: Inhabitat

It’s the time of year to celebrate life, to help bring peace on earth and goodwill to everyone. But just because it’s the holiday season doesn’t mean we should completely disregard the planet, even though we often do during this time.

Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve, Americans throw away 25% more trash. We can try to reduce that while reducing our own holiday stress! Check out these ways to help the earth feel peace during this time of year too.

1. Homemade decorations and gifts

One fun and green way to celebrate the season is making your own decorations. Particularly for kids, homemade decorations can become a lifelong memory. Feel free to use popsicle sticks and other odds and ends, but you go more sophisticated if you want. Winter foliage is gorgeous and can be cleaned and assembled easily for centerpieces and the mantel top.

Source: Domestic Superhero

Not only can you make holiday decorations, you can also make homemade gifts. Now give it a chance. Not all homemade gifts look cheap or like a three-year-old created them. Pinterest and Instagram have thousands of examples and links to instructions for amazing, easy-to-make gifts.

2. Reusable wrapping

Did you know that wrapping paper is not recyclable?

One of the greatest sources of trash during this time is wrapping paper. According to the CDC, just 3 gifts wrapped in reused materials would save enough paper to cover 45,000 football fields. We all can spare at least 3 gifts using more sustainable wrapping, don’t you think?

It’s actually pretty easy to reuse wrapping because you have so many options. Save the gift bags and tissue paper you receive and reuse them for the gifts you give. Use old newspapers or paper that you’d otherwise recycle for unique and interesting wrapping. I love using the comics section of the newspaper.

Source: Pinterest

At craft or fabric stores, you can find holiday-themed fabric. Cut the fabric for various sizes of gifts, and use safety pins to secure the wrapping. No, fabric isn’t as fun to tear open as paper, but it gets the job done with no waste.

You can find more ideas here as well.

3. Shopping

A huge holiday stressor is shopping. Your blood pressure and the environment will thank you if you shop online or try to combine multiple stops in your shopping trips to save gas, time, and money.

Source: Bustle

Also consider buying from local businesses and shops or high-quality secondhand and consignment stores to save some green in your pocket and going green in your carbon footprint.

As unpopular as it might be with kids initially, you could also try giving fewer gifts and focusing on quality time together doing fun holiday activities. Time with loved ones is the whole point of the season anyway, right?

4. Experience gifts

About 35% of Americans have never used a Christmas present they have received. In addition, studies have found that spending money on experiences brings more happiness than spending money on physical possessions.

Source: Getty Images

Instead of cluttering up your house and your life with more stuff, give your loved ones the gift of experiences. Memberships to museums, concert tickets, gift cards for movies or activities are all amazing gifts that your loved ones can enjoy long after the holidays end. As a bonus, experiences you do together can bring you closer.

5. Energy efficiency

However beautiful Christmas lights are, they are sometimes inefficient. To save on energy costs and usage, use LED lights and set them on a timer. Make sure you turn off lights when you're not around  or awake to enjoy them. While you’re inside, you could consider burning candles for the same holiday feeling. Just make sure your house and choices are fire safe.

Or you could skip putting up your own lights, and go on walks around neighborhoods that participate in lighting contests. It’s a great holiday activity, and you can spare yourself the hassle and cost of your own lights.

Source: Good Housekeeping

6. Eco-friendly cards

Instead of buying new cards or ordering them online, you could send electronic holiday cards or make your own. Your kids can draw or make cards for family members. Use the front of old cards, your children’s artwork, or gift tags for unique, adorable holiday cards.

Source: Itabox

Even if everyone incorporated just one or two of these tips into your holiday this year, we could have a profound impact. Let's all feel a little more peace about the future this holiday season by including the earth in our goodwill.

8 Reasons to Love Gilmore Girls

Even an entire month after the Gilmore Girls revival, I'm still thinking about this series! Since seeing the original 10 years ago, I've still listed it as one my favorite TV shows, despite the fact that it was no longer releasing new episodes.

I'm not alone in my love of the series. The show's loyal fan following essentially made the revival happen. Fans pleaded for the revival and finally got their wish. All this devotion from fans begs the question: what about the show motivates such deeply attached fans?

1. Hilarious, smart allusions

Gilmore Girls is not a brainless, just-on-for-background-noise type of TV show. If you're not paying attention, yes, you will probably still know what's going on, but you're missing out! Lorelai and Rory talk fast, and they are hilariously witty. You use your brain while watching, but that extra work pays off with extra laughs.

If you're paying attention and you know the references, you can catch allusions to books, movies, rock bands, obscure pop culture, and political figures. I admit that some, okay sometimes many, of their references went over my head, specifically the rock and pop culture references. But the references I get make me love the script writers for having seen or read what I have.

Here are some allusions just from season 5. Seeing all of them at once gives me a little bit of a headache.

2. Books, books, books

Any bookworm loves and relates to Rory. She reads voraciously. She plans everything out and makes lists, she is organized, and she reads and reads and reads. The early Rory is a kindred spirit for sure.

3. Girls' night every episode

What are girls' nights like? Talking about boys, sometimes deep conversations, stupid movies, and food. Lots and lots of food. That's pretty much every episode of Gilmore Girls.

Lorelai and Rory feel like my close friends, although they are fictional. I love their sense of humor, their idea of fun, and their relationship.

I feel like I'm having a girls' night every episode I watch.

4. Stars Hollow

Lorelai lives in the cutest town in America. I wish this town actually existed. Not only is the town physically charming in their seasonal decor, this town's citizens are involved and participate in nearly all events. Stars Hollow goes all out for the winter festival, festival of living art, dance marathon, knit-a-thon, Revolutionary War reenactments, and so many more.

Everyone even participates regularly in town meetings. Who does that? Well, maybe if town meetings everywhere were as entertaining as the ones in Stars Hollow, more people would go.

In one early episode, the town names an official town troubadour, the guy who randomly plays and sings in the town.

5. Awesome secondary characters

Nearly every character has his or her own charm. Everyone has clever lines. Everyone has a unique personality. 

It is so hard to pick my favorite secondary characters, because they are all so funny and lovable in their own way. But with my arm twisted behind my back, I'd have to pick Kirk, Sookie, Paris, and TJ as my favorites.

One character epitomizes the ridiculous, quirky, nonsensically hilarious personality and charm of the characters in Stars Hollow: Kirk. He is the Jack of all trades, he takes things literally to a hilarious extent, and he is awkwardly innocent.

Lorelai's best friend, Sookie, is a sweet but demanding chef. Played by Melissa McCarthy, Sookie has shining moments that deserve to be rewound and watched over and over as you wipe away tears of laughter. Here are some of my favorite funny Sookie moments.

Although Paris is often neurotic, demanding, and difficult to work with or be friends with, I can appreciate how candidly she shares her opinions about everything. I would probably join the ranks of those who hate and fear her if I knew a real version of Paris, but I love her as a fictional character.

TJ only appears in a few episodes, but he cracks me up in every scene he is in, especially the renaissance wedding episode. Those tights were obviously very comfortable, and he wanted to make sure everyone knew it. I am right there with Luke and Lorelai cracking up.

Even the annoying characters, like Taylor and Lorelai's parents, have their moments of truly charming, clever, and funny comments. They have an undeniable appeal of their own, just like every single character on this show. 

6. Sweet romantic moments

The men of Gilmore Girls know how to pull at the heartstrings.

7. What not to do in a relationship

As much as we see them succeed in relationships, we see what not to do in relationships. For example, I don't recommend sleeping with a married man or stealing a boat, or rebounding from your fiance with an ex who is also the father of your child. Not your greatest moments, girls.

8. Writer like me

Although Rory goes into newspaper journalism and I'm doing freelance, blogging, magazine, and other writing, during my high school and college years, it was nice a role model like her aspire to write, just as I did. I am  just grateful that no one has told me that I don't have what it takes to be a good writer though. Luckily I don't know anyone like Mitchem Huntsberger.


I love this show. Do I agree with every plot twist or character choice? Not really, but I love how unique, fun, smart, and amazing show. Although my name isn't Gilmore, can I be considered a Gilmore Girl too?

Amreading.com

I found a website called Amreading.com. It is a pretty fun site that recommends books, lists quotes or book titles, and posts other cool things. A reader's dream.

Another awesome thing about Amreading.com is . . . that I'm writing for them!! Check out two posts that I wrote three days from each other. And more ideas are flowing!! (I know. This blog is jealous of the other blog getting all the attention.)

My first post recommended books for parents of twins. And believe me, twin parents need all the help they can get.

My second post listed reasons to listen to music while reading.

Check them out!!

The Olympics, Winning, and Losing

During the Olympics, NBC covers tons of stories about athletes who overcame obstacles and trained hard for hours a day for years to win a gold medal. Some reports tell about humble athletes, whose natural abilities raised them up to glory. We eat up stories about Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, and Simone Biles. These stories inspire us to pursue greatness.

We all want and need to believe that our dreams will come true if we work and believe hard enough. We believe that it is possible. Children's interest piques in gymnastics and swimming and ice skating. Some of those inspired children become Olympians themselves, all because of the victors and their stories.

I'm not trying to take away from their victories or make it sound like the gold (or any) medalists haven't earned their rewards, but what about the athletes who don't win the medal they wanted or any medal at all?

Chances are, those who get the "participant ribbon" worked just as hard and just as long as, or perhaps even harder and longer than, the winners. Some of them come from even humbler circumstances or had to overcome and sacrifice even more to get to the Olympics. But despite their best efforts, they lose the race. Or someone else nails their dismount better than they did. Or the other team plays just a little bit better and scores more. And because these athletes don't win or come close to winning, we don't hear about them.

This Olympics, I keep thinking about those who "lose," despite doing everything right. How do they feel knowing that they gave everything they had, and it still wasn't enough? That their best will never beat someone else's? How long did they dream of and train toward winning a gold medal? How do they feel about the time they spent working toward a goal that will never be theirs?

I'm not an Olympian, but I know the feeling that my efforts sometimes don't actually contribute to the end result. There have been times when I have worked as hard as I can and done everything I can do, and still nothing. I struggle to accept the results and to feel that my best is good enough when it clearly isn't. It makes dreaming seem like a cruel trick.

And yet. . . . (Yes, there is a hopeful ending to this post.)

Yet most of the Olympic athletes are young in their early thirties, twenties, and even teens. Some will have chances to try again in the Tokyo Olympics. For those who won't return, life goes on. Even for those who win, time goes on. Life doesn't stop after the Olympics. Everyone must find a way to move on to the next goal, the next step.

I would love for NBC to run features that catch up with some retired Olympic athletes: some who won gold and perhaps some who didn't. What have they done since they stopped competing? What have past water polo players moved on to do? What is Michelle Kwan doing now? What is Misty Mays up to these days? Do they coach? Do they have families? Did they take up a different career? Your accountant could be a former Olympic diver. Who knows?

I guess the point is that sometimes dreams change. Whether we reach them or not, dreams evolve with life. Everyone, gold medalists, Olympic participants, and us normal humans alike, must realize that dreams, unless obtained at the end of our lifetimes, are not the end-all goal. Getting into a certain college, obtaining a dream job, or achieving a weight limit are admirable goals, but regardless of whether we achieve them, life goes on. We learn to dream new dreams.

So, at the close of the Olympics, I want to wish everyone happy dreaming!

What were some of your favorite moments in the 2016 Olympics?

Writers, Read This Book!

If you want to be a writer, you have to read. A lot. A whole lot.

The more you read, the more you notice writing styles you admire. The more you read, the more you notice how the authors create that style you like. Then, comes the hard part: creating your own style.

I'm going to share some books that I think provide useful guidance for all writers, whether you're writing short blog posts or the next great American novel. Some will be fiction, others will be nonfiction. They just have to be helpful, entertaining, and relate to writing.

To start off this series of book recommendations, I thought I'd start with a fun, yet complex work of fiction that models excellent first-chapter writing--times 10. Italo Calvino's If on a Winter's Night a Stranger (1979) pushes impatient book lovers to the limit. If you must finish a story, you may not like this book. Just breathe into a paper bag and read it anyway.

The main story line takes "the Reader" through an experience of reading the first chapters of 10 different books. What prevents him (and therefore us) from progressing beyond the first? The book he buys only contains the first chapter, and then to correct the mistake the publisher sends him the wrong replacement book, which also is defective. He meets with the publisher, who gives him the first-chapter manuscript of another book, etc. One cruel twist after another leads him to seemingly endless dead ends as he tries to finish the story, any story!

Why would I recommend such a frustrating book? Simply put, introductions and first chapters are hard, and Calvino nails several in a single book. In my favorite first chapter, the character is running, something his doctor said would "calm his nerves." However, as the character runs, his train of thought runs away as well. I felt that character's panic and confusion and the intensity of his situation. Turns out, his panic was justified after all. By the end of the chapter, I was sincerely invested and wanted to know what came next.

His style and mechanics are worth studying and possibly emulating.

In addition to providing exemplary literary devices, If on a Winter's Night also discusses the experiences of writers, readers, and their relationship to each other. I can't count how many times I said as I read, "That's me. I do that too." If anything, read this book to feel understood both as a reader and a writer.

Have you read this book? What did you think of it? What books have helped you develop as a writer?

You Might Have Twins . . .

Nod to Jeff Foxworthy.
Although these mostly apply to the first year with twins, some still apply to me now.

- If you feel you could win most arm wrestling matches.

- If you get only 10 minutes without a baby in a 12-hour period.

- If you have had 16 or more diaper changes in one day.

- If perfect strangers ask you about your kids' conception.

- If you feel like a celebrity . . . in that you can't go anywhere without being stared at, stopped, asked a million questions, admired, complimented, and/or consoled.

- If there is no such thing as a quick errand.

- If you can't remember which baby woke you up last night. Or which baby you just changed. Or who you just fed.

- If you have to paint your kids' toe nails to make sure you don't mix them up, regardless of whether they are identical or fraternal.

- If there are bags under the bags under your eyes.

- If starting solids means wearing a hazmat suit.

- If changing diapers means wearing a hazmat suit.

- If you have two of everything and you hide things that you only have one of.

- If you coordinate your kids' outfits most days without even thinking about it.

- If you have single-handedly consumed an entire 1/2 gallon of ice cream in 24 hours.

- If your kids giggle at each other's jokes in their own baby language.


Any others I forgot to mention? Leave yours here.

What Happened to My Uterus

This post is for those who are curious about the details of my hysterectomy last year, since I didn't share much right after it happened. Be warned, however, that some might consider these details icky, so proceed at your own risk. You have been warned.

One year ago today around evening rush hour, I was sitting in our NICU room with Tracy, admiring our strong 4-pound baby boys. We just put them back in their open cribs, which they had progressed to only a couple days before. We loved that since the transition to open crib we could hold them whenever and for however long we wanted. Tracy had just finished reading a book to them, a nightly ritual during their NICU stay.

Then I felt it. Whoosh. A rush of blood. Two weeks after the boys were born, I was bleeding only slightly by that point, so I definitely knew something had to be wrong when I felt about an entire period's worth of blood all at once. I told Tracy and our NICU nurse what had happened. Immediately, which means that it still took 20 minutes to arrive, she sent someone to find a wheelchair to take me to the emergency room in the other wing of the hospital. A few minutes later, I felt another huge rush of blood. I was hemorrhaging. Finally the wheelchair came, and I said goodbye to my babies, comforted that they would be well cared for by the NICU nurses.

As we started walking, Tracy and I cracked jokes and laughed that yet another function or organ in my body was malfunctioning. I joked, "What will it be this time?" and "How convenient that we are already here in the hospital!" For those who know my "story," this reaction probably doesn't surprise you. (For those who don't, click here.) But the joking soon came to screeching halt.

The skywalk system between medical buildings felt exponentially longer than it should've as wave after wave of blood gushed out, each time slightly more painful. When we approached the check-in desk in the ER, I felt dizzy and tired. Tracy filled out the necessary paperwork while I tried unsuccessfully to stop my head from spinning. Then came the barrage of the same questions over and over again from several separate nurses and doctors, as you always experience when you go to the ER. They kept asking Tracy if I looked especially pale to him. No, that's just how she looks, he said. Thanks, babe.

I started to feel so cold; my hands and legs shivered, and my teeth chattering involuntarily. Now I understand why in the movies or TV shows, people say they are cold when they have been shot or stabbed or whatever and are bleeding to death. I've been there. (Bleeding to death, not getting shot or stabbed.) Eventually even breathing became difficult for me, so they gave me an oxygen tube. The bleeding slowed down, but the pain increased with each wave of blood. The doctors explained that they would try to stop the bleeding with a D&E, but if they couldn't they might need to perform a hysterectomy. Without question, Tracy and I told them to do what they needed to do.

Then came more questions, but not the same ones as before. "What is your name? What city do you live in? How old are you?" That's when I started worrying. Until then, I hadn't exactly enjoyed the experience, but I wasn't scared. I had only started bleeding about 30 minutes before and only recently felt significant pain. But no one asks you those kinds of questions unless they are concerned about your brain function from blood loss. I heard Tracy say to one of the nurses, "Now she looks really pale." Later he told me that I looked like a corpse, complete with blue lips and china-white skin.

At that point, I could barely keep my eyes open. As they rolled my bed away to go the OR, I held his hand and with all my energy whispered to Tracy that I loved him. For a second I honestly wondered if I would see him again. If I'd see my babies again. If I'd see any of my family or friends again. I wondered if it was already too late to stop it, if my time was drawing to a close.

I woke up--obviously. I felt that strong, deep, all-too-familiar ache in my abdomen and weak throughout my entire body. A large white bandage covered the doctors' work, but I already knew. They removed my uterus. I never got the actual number from the doctor, but before and during my surgery, I received anywhere between 6-10 units of blood.

Later, my doctor explained that the placentas had grown into the uterus lining, called placenta accreta. Most likely, my uterus had some scar tissue from my appendix or first ruptured ectopic pregnancy, which caused the placentas to grow into the lining. Although all the pieces of the placentas came out (after the doctor fished them out--ouch), two weeks later my uterus "thought" some of it was still there and bled to flush it out.

If we had been at home when it happened and if we had had to fight through Houston rush hour traffic to get to the emergency room, Tracy and I are sure I wouldn't have survived. But I did. Again. How about that?

I wonder what's next. My gall bladder? My spleen? A kidney? What other organs don't I need?

Perfection for an Imperfect Couple

On July 14, 2007, I married Tracy David Wulf. Today is July 14, 2014. We have been married for 7 years.

Why is this anniversary so special? We were married on 7/14/07. Today is 7/14/14 and is our 7th anniversary. Seven and its multiples (or perhaps multiples in general--hehe) are a theme for us apparently.

Also, seven, in several religions, is considered the symbolic number of divine completion, holiness, and sanctification.

Now, I'm not saying that Tracy and I are perfect personally, nor has our marriage been perfect. But the longer we've been married, the better we seem to read each other, to read and address each other's needs, to love each other better, more selflessly. We are not done progressing, but I'm amazed how two imperfect individuals can become one and love each other completely.

It makes me wonder how we will grow by the time we reach our 14th anniversary (7/14/21).

The Wulf Pack: Created on July 14, 2007

Time:
7 years.
84 months.
364 weeks.
2,555 days.

Events:
4 moves.
2 college graduations.

3 major surgeries.
1.5 IVF cycles (long story).
2 little boys on the way...
1 happy couple

Wulf Cub Names

One of the fun parts of expecting a baby is choosing a name. Well, for some people it is. Not so much for us...

Three things you need to know when it comes to choosing boy names: my husband's name is Tracy, he is picky, and other kids can be really mean.

With these bits of information, it won't surprise you to learn that my husband can be sensitive when it comes to boy names. Any possibly gender-neutral names are immediately thrown off the table. If he has heard of one girl ever having the name or can even envision it turning into a girl's name in the future, he rejects it. If it's still a fairly new name, he vetoes it for fear that it will turn into a girl's name some day. Most of the time, when I suggest a name, Tracy shrugs and says he has to think about it--probably wondering how kids could mock it. Other kids are mean, and his name is Tracy. Enough said about that.

But it doesn't stop there. Our kids' names also can't have a W sound in it because "it will sound weird" with Wulf, as Tracy claims. He's not a fan of alliteration apparently.

When we were dating, my roommates wrote poems using our names, but overall it never really bothered me. Since we've been married, people have asked whether we will name our kids Casey, Stacy, Macie, and/or Gracie. NO. People already occasionally call me Tracy, and we aren't going to make the situation harder by adding more options to the mix. Obviously, any rhyming with our names will not even be considered.

Most expectant parents will admit that brainstorming names also brings up memories of people who have ruined certain names. I will not share which names fit into that category for us, but needless to say, the list of possible names is shrinking before we have started.

So I ask Tracy what names he likes. What does he suggest?

I swear the man is bipolar. He strongly opposes perfectly good names for sometimes small reasons, and then the man facetiously offers names like Harry or Gray. If we have a girl in the future, he jokes that we should name her Timber.

Harry Wulf. Gray Wulf. Timber Wulf. Ha. Ha. Very funny.

Or he suggests Biblical names, but not the ones you'd usually think of. "How about Maher-shalal-hash-baz? We could call him Hash-baz for short. If it's good enough for Isaiah, it's good enough for me," he laughs.

Thanks, Tracy, you're a big help. This naming thing could be more difficult than I thought.

To be continued . . .

The Day My Life (and My Appendix) Exploded

Five years ago today, Michael Jackson died. As much I enjoy "Thriller" and "Billy Jean," I remember June 25, 2009, more significantly because my own life changed forever. My appendix ruptured. I experienced more pain than I have ever felt before or since. I spent 12 days in the hospital from infections and complications, and I didn't fully recover until several months afterward. That day shook me. It pushed me to a state of physical helplessness and humility that made me realize that my physical strength can be taken away at a moment's notice. Little did I know then, however, how much that day truly altered my life.

Two-and-a-half years later with medical help, my husband and I finally received the happy news of pregnancy. But at six weeks, I had a feeling something was wrong. I had severe, debilitating cramps, which didn't seem like a normal pregnancy symptom. However, I ignored that feeling. At 8 weeks, the cramps got worse, and I started bleeding. When I finally saw my doctor at 9 weeks, the doctor confirmed my suspicion that I had an ectopic pregnancy caused by tissue damage from my ruptured appendix. And by that point the embryo itself had ruptured. Surprised that I could even walk on my own, the doctor immediately checked me into the hospital, and within hours I was in the operating room. My doctor told me that we had a good chance of another ectopic pregnancy occurring on the other side.

My husband and I knew it would not be smart or safe to try to conceive without using IVF and began planning accordingly. As we started our first IVF cycle, we found out that I was pregnant again with another ectopic pregnancy. Once again, I found myself in the hospital--coincidentally in the room next door to my last visit six months before.

After the first ectopic, we felt how little control we have in life. After the second, we wanted to throw our hands in the air and say, "We surrender!" As much as my appendix episode humbled me physically and mentally, the subsequent consequences of it have equally humbled me spiritually and emotionally. Eventually, we gathered our hope and strength to try again.

When we completed our IVF cycle and awaited the pregnancy test results, my mind and heart unavoidably raced through the possible outcomes--positive and negative. What if it worked? What if we have twins? What will our kids be like? What if it didn't work? What if we never are able to have our own kids? I believe in general I kept a positive attitude, but I learned long ago to have a backup plan, to anticipate the unexpected. I don't wear rose-colored glasses.

As I wondered how I would react if IVF didn't work, I realized that even after three major surgeries, multiple disappointments, and everything going horribly wrong that I was still there. I made it through, and I even made it through a stronger person than I was before. Even if the result came back negative, or even if--God forbid--something were to happen either during the pregnancy or after, somehow I would make it through the pain and sorrow and eventually find a way to be okay. I would find a way to find joy.

The wait suddenly became far less frightening. The positive result sank into my heart deeper and sweeter.

It may seem stupid to remember or bring up a traumatic event from which I have long recovered, but because of that one event, I am a different person than I was or would have been without it. My husband and I are a different couple with a different vision for our family. But because we never gave up and didn't become bitter because of our difficulties, I believe we are different for the better. As I remember that day and all that has happened since, I remember the lessons I have learned from all of it and realize that I still need and will need those lessons just as much now and probably even more in the future as I did five years ago.

Getting a Girl Pregnant Becomes a Group Effort

Normally getting pregnant is nothing like the Academy Awards, but in my case, I have a long list of people to thank for getting us here. I know we would not have been able to do this alone--physically or emotionally.


Obviously without my brilliant doctor and his staff at the fertility clinic, I would not even have the possibility of being pregnant. No fallopian tubes eliminates any chance of natural conception for us. Not only did they do their jobs, but they were kind and friendly, making an unenjoyable and painful IVF process more bearable. I am so grateful for the miracle of modern science!

I am so thankful to friends and my sister who have undergone IVF or similar infertility treatments and experiences. (And my wonderful friends who haven't experienced infertility have helped me so much as well.) Several of these friends reached out to me on Facebook, one gave me a cute IVF survival kit, and another gave me shots while Tracy was out of town! Their strength, friendship, and encouragement allowed me to glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of the actual outcome of our treatment. They are strong, amazing women, and I am proud to stand among them as an infertility survivor.


Of course my family has been so supportive and encouraging. They (particularly my mom and sister) listened to my sobbing and my never-ending questions patiently and comforted me. Breaking the news to family was emotional and so rewarding! They have been waiting and hoping just as long, if not longer, than we have!

More than anyone, I need to thank my husband. He allowed me to complain and sympathized when I felt discomfort and pain during the entire process. Although he did indeed put up with my crazy hormonal outbursts and "shot me" pretty much every night, I am most grateful for his ability to make me laugh in these hard circumstances. Right before he gave me a shot, he would crack a joke, tickle me, or do something silly. It didn't make shot time every night any less painful or make me look forward to it, but it lightened the mood. I am so glad I married this man.

By now at the Academy Awards, the theme music would have played, and I would have been escorted off stage, but lucky for me there are no commercials. In giving credit and thanks to these people, I imply my gratitude to God above all. Our journey has been rockier than expected, and I have had moments of anger and frustration with God, but I truly believe that I am a stronger person because of my experiences and hope I will be a better mom because of it.

Happy Mother's Day! With or Without Kids

As a woman who has struggled with infertility for four and half years, I should hate Mother's Day, and at one point I did. Through time and the wise, comforting words of women who have gone through similar frustration, I have come to realize that even though I have not given birth or am not currently raising children, I am already a mother.

I have served several times in the young women program at my church. Time after time, I have learned to love those crazy teenage girls. I don't claim to love them as much as their actual mothers, but I celebrate their accomplishments, I cry when they show love for others, I beam with pride and excitement when I see the light of understanding and growth flash in their eyes, I worry about them and their futures. As I have seen pictures and updates from girls I worked with in the past on Facebook, I feel a sense of privilege that for even one second I got to teach and lead these amazing young women, some of whom are now becoming adults. I also feel sorrow and concern when I see that some have made questionable choices in their lives. Doesn't that make me a mother?

As powerful an influence that my own mother undoubtedly has had on me, I can't forget the other women who have loved me, guided me, provided examples for me, and encouraged me both growing up and in my adulthood. My friends' mothers and my leaders at church exemplified confident women who cared for children outside the walls of their homes. The time they spent with me and the time they spent serving me definitely translated into my feeling loved and supported if I needed help.

Ever since I left for college, I haven't seen my mother (and yes, my father too) as much as I would wish, especially during the difficult experiences of two emotionally and physically painful surgeries. But I was showered with the love and care of remarkable women. I can admit that without their motherly concern toward me, a non-relative, I think I would have struggled so much more than I did to recover. On one occasion when my mother visited us, she thanked the women who had become surrogate mothers and sisters to me. I too am grateful for the women in my life who have mothered me.

Even those women who don't call me sweetie, give me a warm hug, or tell me how special I am--like teachers (who hasn't called a teacher mom?), professors, co-workers, and bosses--have played a motherly role in my life. They have mentored me, guided me, corrected me, and supported my efforts that would lead to my skill development. These women too have my gratitude and respect.

Although I do not have children of my own yet, my womanhood in itself means that I am a mother. There are so many I can love, nurture, encourage, guide, and help.

So please, feel free to wish me a Happy Mother's Day!

And Happy Mother's Day to my mother and all the mothers (with or without kids) in my life!

Anti-Movie Theater

There's nothing quite like going to the movies, is there? The surround sound (wait . . . except most people have that at home now), the huge screen (uh . . . again at home), the smell of popcorn (yep, at home). At the theater, you also experience overhearing other people's annoying conversations, being stuck for two plus hours next to a smelly person who desperately needs to shower, sitting uncomfortably because you drank too much soda, and stepping on sticky floors--all for the not-so-low price of what the DVD will cost in six months when it comes out. So what exactly makes going to the movies so amazing again?

As crazy or perhaps for some even perverse as it may seem, I only go to the movies twice or maybe three times a year--by choice. I see previews for films on TV and say, "Oh, I'm excited to see that!" I count down to when certain movies come out, but then I don't go see them. I still haven't seen Frozen, Saving Mr. Banks, and Monuments Men, although I want to and will, but I just don't feel the urgency to see them the moment they premiere.

I can wait six or seven months, rent the movie on Redbox, enjoy the film eating my own snacks in my pajamas, and pause the movie if I have to use the bathroom. When I do that, I only spend $1.50 compared to $8.50 or more for my movie ticket. Look at me! Learning patience and saving money!

It all started a few years ago when we had $20 left after paying bills every month. We didn't go out to eat, we didn't splurge at all for dates, and we didn't go to the movies. Ever since then, I have struggled to bring myself to spend that money on a movie I haven't seen and don't know if I will even like.

At one time in history, particularly during the golden age of Hollywood, going to the movies provided a special occasion, complete with dressing up for a night on the town. Heck, singing along to "Let's Go to the Movies" from Annie gets me excited to go--almost. Nowadays, seeing and owning a movie is commonplace, so why would I spend that money to go the movie theater, when I could spend it to see a play or go to a museum and make it a truly special occasion?

If you still like going to the movie theater, that's fine. Just because I have become disenchanted with that environment doesn't mean I think everyone should cease from going altogether. However, I would question whether people need to go every weekend or for every single movie that comes out. Would it hurt to be a little more discerning and selective in what you see in the theaters? I'll step off my soapbox now.

My aversion to movie theaters hasn't negatively impacted me much at all. It may be unorthodox, but it works for me. What are some of your funny quirks?

14 Ways to Communicate Love

We all have our love language(s), so finding a set of gestures that would communicate love universally probably isn't possible. For me, flowers, jewelry, or lavish gifts in February don't especially make me feel loved. (If your significant other's love language includes those things, then go with those too.) However, most of these are everyday actions that clearly communicate love.

For simplicity's sake, I'm going to use he or him when talking about a significant other, simply because mine is in fact male. I don't really want to write, and I doubt you'd want to read, he/she and her/him throughout the entire post. Just know this was an acknowledged choice and the concepts here definitely apply to both women and men. No sexism here, people. Please substitute the appropriate personal pronoun for your situation.

1. Encourage and support him.
Whether written, oral, or even only action-based, provide support for the person you love in his endeavors. Leave encouraging notes in his backpack or briefcase. Cheer him on. Take a responsibility off his plate to allow him to pursue his goals.

2. Be silly and spontaneous together.
My husband excels at this one. He smacks my butt in public. He says awkward or funny things loudly in the store to make me laugh. Keep the giddy feeling alive by keeping it light and silly.

3. Participate in activities he likes.
Even if you don't like doing the things he does (e.g., playing video games) and don't do it with him often, he will likely appreciate your taking the time at least every once in a while and will likely do the same for you.

4. Compliment him.
Especially for situations when you know he wants to do well or has worked hard to accomplish a goal, acknowledge his efforts, the positive aspects of what he did, and the qualities you love about him.

5. Show affection in public as well as in private.
Hold hands and cuddle, even if you've been married "a long time" or if you feel you're far too old for PDA. Please, on behalf of the people around you, don't be disgusting, but at least show that you know and like each other.

6. Give your time.
The word love is really spelled T-I-M-E. Play games, make memories, do service together, do things together, so that when you look back on your life, you remember his integral role in it.

7. Be able to agree to disagree on the small stuff and let it go.
Chances are two separate people with individual minds will not have the exact same opinion about everything. After nearly seven years of marriage, my husband and I agree on big, important issues, but we know what areas we don't. Learn to be okay with those differences.

8. Spend time in the small talk.
Asking about and listening to the specifics of his day and sharing little funny stories that happen in yours make a huge difference.

9. Say "I love you" at least once a day.
For some this may seem obvious, and for others this may be a challenge, but it never hurt anyone to say or hear it more often.

10. Let your actions speak for you.
Although a seeming contradiction of #9, words alone do not communicate love. Perform acts of service for each other, especially meaningful service. Your words and your actions should complement each other in expressing love.

11. Resist the urge to criticize him.
The person you love is imperfect. But so are you. When you are tempted to pick at his faults, put yourself in his shoes. Would you like to be given a laundry list of things to fix about yourself? Especially by the person who claims to love you most? Focus on the amazing things you see in him, the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place.

12. When things in life go wrong, turn to each other.
Talk out problems together, even problems between the two of you, and work toward a solution together. If the two of you need help, seek the appropriate help, but always turn to each other first to show that you trust each other.

13. Take care of yourself and work on improving yourself.
No doubt he loves you how you are already, as he should. However, making an effort to take care of your body and strengthening your own talents and characteristics show your confidence and desire to be a strong partner in the relationship yoke. How does that communicate love? It suggests that you care enough about your relationship with him to contribute give the best of yourself to your life together. A simpler reason: if you don't love yourself, you won't have much to share with someone else.

14. Give meaningful gifts.
Although gifts don't usually do it for me, Tracy has surprised me with significant gestures: not significant in monetary value but significant personally. When he gives me a book I said I wanted to read, I feel he knows me. When he gets tickets to a play I said I was interested in seeing, I know he listens. Gifts can communicate love, if they are significant for him personally.

My husband and I are still working on these items, but that's the beautiful thing about this list and about love in general. We've got time to get better at it. Day after day, year after year.

Why I Willingly Watch the Superbowl and Other Sports with My Husband

Like many wives, I used to mourn the loss of my husband between the months of August and March for the football and basketball seasons. Game after game. Weekend after weekend.

In a little over a week, the Superbowl will be here. But believe it or not, now I'm actually excited about it.

My 95-year-old grandmother watches football and basketball on her own. That sweet, tough old bird taught PE back in her day, married a college football player, and raised six kids: three active boys and three equally active girls. While we lived in Utah, my husband and I watched a football game at her house, and she and my husband talked about the game, both informed and passionate. When she asked me if I was enjoying the game, I explained her about my bare-bone "tolerance" of sports on TV, and she encouraged me to get involved in what my spouse likes and make it interesting for myself.

In recent years, my dread of the football and basketball seasons have become less painful as I've tried to participate in watching sports with my husband. In my own way.

I sit next to him and do something else simultaneously. I type on the computer, crochet or craft, or read, watching key replays and reacting according to his reaction.

Also, I've noticed elements in sports that I actually find interesting.

1. I love listening for odd names. Nearly every team has at least two or three players with horribly cruel first names. Athletes have either dumb or mean parents to name their sons Casanova, Haha, Shabazz, or some combination of random syllables. The name game becomes exponentially more fun if I can find a bizarre first and last name combo.

2. During the fall, audience members bundle up, and I vicariously experience a chilly autumn evening by watching fans shiver. Silly, but it helps me endure living in hot, humid Houston.

3. My husband has a penchant for anticipating and stating exactly what the announcers say or what the coaches do before they do it. (Example: Tracy says, "The coach will call a time out here." The ref blows the whistle signaling a time out. Need another? Tracy says, "The defense should have blitzed there to prevent the play-action pass." Kirk Herbstreit says, "I'm surprised the defense didn't blitz. They could have prevented the play-action pass.") I get a good laugh out of it and have even tried to develop such skills myself. The best I've been able to do is occasionally predict a holding call, but I'm getting better!

Years ago, my husband and I struck a deal. He refrains from watching games on Sunday, and in exchange we make a big deal of the Superbowl, as a whole family. He isn't allowed to shush me (or our future children), and we have tons of yummy snacks! I've enjoyed our Superbowl parties just as much as he has. Plus, most of the commercials are entertaining as well.

Against my expectations, I have actually come to enjoy sitting down with my husband sometimes to watch football and basketball in small dosages. I still don't care for sports statistics, and I doubt I will voluntarily keep abreast of sports on my own, but the point is we turned a point of conflict into something we can do together peacefully. Compromise in marriage at its best! (Now to get him to like BBC Austen adaptations.)

Happy Superbowl to everyone: football lovers or not!

Forget New Year's Resolutions: How to Set and Achieve Goals

I attended a New Year’s Eve party, and not one person admitted to making resolutions. Every single person said, “I don’t make them because I won’t keep ‘em.” Fair enough. It takes only six weeks at the gym to see that people start off enthusiastic and then give up on their resolutions.

However, I feel that most of us set goals on a fairly consistent basis, either for work or school or whatever. We may not set my goals on January 1, but we do have goals and achieve some of them. What enables us to meet some goals successfully and then fail at others?

·         Desire to reach a goal. If I don’t care about it, I won’t do it. I have to want the end result and be able to at least tolerate the steps between to get to the end result.

 ·         Practicality. How can I know if a goal is practical or not? Difficult to say. My suggestion: understand yourself and your limits and then aim a little above that. Be aware of time or other restraints or circumstances that would impede you and either mitigate them or adjust your goal accordingly. Perhaps starting out with a small, easily achievable goal would help me gain confidence and a grasp of how to handle your goal efforts in the context of everyday life. Then again perhaps diving right in and giving everything to the goal forces you to figure out how to handle it all together. Get a feel for what works for you and do it. 

·         Map of steps. For more complicated goals, I need to have a plan of attack or even a set of smaller goals. Cutting a larger goal into bite-sized pieces make the process more palatable. (Enough food metaphor for you?) What steps will lead me to the end result? Map it out and follow it.

 ·         Accountability. If I know someone will ask me about my progress, I will more likely work on that goal. During NaNoWriMo, friends and family members asked me about my progress, which made me want to be able to report only good news. 

·         Buddy system. For some goals, it helps to have someone work on a goal with me. If I forget, he or she can help me remember. If I lose desire, knowing that he or she is doing it too motivates me. 

·         Record of progress. If I work towards a goal but see no progress, it makes me feel that I wasted my effort pointlessly. However, if I monitor my progress, however small, I can see that end result inching closer. Use whatever system of recording that will motivate you. 

·         Smart support and choices. If I want to achieve a goal, I can’t surround myself with things or people who will distract me from achieving that goal. Both the choices we make and the choices of people around us could either support or sabotage efforts toward a goal.

 ·         Rewards. Progress is its own reward in some goals. In others, more tangible rewards help keep motivation up. On the other hand, for me failure is its own punishment. If you need a punishment to ward off laziness or apathy, I suggest keeping it on the lighter side to prevent self-loathing or discouragement. 

·         Overthrow of apathy. If/when apathy sets in, reevaluate the goal. Is it realistic and attainable? Am I seeing the results I want? If not, why not? What can and can’t I change?

 ·         Reflection. I honestly leave this one out most of the time, but it can be helpful for making and accomplishing future goals. What helped you succeed in this goal? What didn’t work that led to failure? What can you learn from it that you can use later or change later?

I really haven’t set any “New Year’s resolutions” for myself, mostly because I was already working on a couple of goals, and I don’t need to add to the pile and make it harder for myself just for convention.

So forget the formal title of resolutions if you want, but don’t give up on setting and at the very least trying to achieve goals. We all are always changing, developing, growing. And goals allow us to have at least some control of how we change, develop, and grow.

Online Christmas Card from the Wulfs

We Wulfs haven't been the best at taking pictures of ourselves in recent years, mostly because we haven't really changed much [physically anyway]. And printing and mailing Christmas cards did not top my priority list this year. Don't take it personally, please. We still like you. No one got a picture Christmas card from us, so here is one for all to enjoy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Wulf Pack!! We wish you love, joy, and peace this holiday and always.

2013 has been very eventful for the Wulfs. Tracy has become quite the world traveler, going to London, the French Alps, and Norway this year for work. [Yes, I am keeping a running list of the places he has been without me.] He loves his job and has good friends at work. He finishes the Foundation program and receives his first assignment, which will likely last two to three years, in January. As he always has, Tracy still unofficially commentates for any and all sports games he watches, 90% of the time predicting what the commentators will say or having his own debates with the commentators.

Lacey [Isn't it custom to use third person for these things?] had two major surgeries within the first six months of 2013 for two ectopic pregnancies. She also made a difficult career choice and decided to quit her technical writing job. This year hasn't been easy for her, but luckily, she loved serving in the Young Women organization and volunteering more has given her life special meaning in other ways. She participated in NaNoWriMo and completed the challenge . . . but not the novel. Not yet anyway. She spends most of her time writing and researching, crafting little bits here and there, helping friends with their little ones, and cleaning up after Tracy. :)

Tracy and Lacey have downsized back into an apartment for probably the next two or three years. The Wulfs have big plans and high hopes for 2014, and we wish the best for all of you this coming year.

Thank you for being our wonderful friends and loving family.

NaNoWriMo Winner!

"This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy and that hard." --Neil Gaiman

"There is no real ending. It's just the place where you stop the story." --Frank Herbert

"Writing for me is largely rewriting." --Khaled Hosseini

I won!! Out of more than 300,000 people who signed up for NaNoWriMo, only 41,940 people completed it, including me!

Okay, I'm done trumpeting my own triumph.

I still have a bit left to do to get the rest of my story down on paper (or screen), but getting this far pushes me to complete it. Maintaining the pace through the holidays will be challenging, but if I can get at least a couple productive writing days in a week, it hopefully won't take too much longer to finish.

And then . . . the games and the editing begin. I only hope that I don't end up trashing one fourth or more in the editing process, but if that's what will make the story better, so be it.

Thanks for all the congratulations! I have amazing friends!

NaNoWriMo Update #3

“10 Steps to Becoming a Better Writer
Write.
Write more.
Write even more.
Write even more than that.
Write when you don’t want to.
Write when you do.
Write when you have something to say.
Write when you don’t.
Write every day.
Keep writing.”
― Brian Clark

“Start telling the stories that only you can tell, because there’ll always be better writers than you and there’ll always be smarter writers than you. There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that - but you are the only you.
Tarantino - you can criticize everything that Quentin does - but nobody writes Tarantino stuff like Tarantino. He is the best Tarantino writer there is, and that was actually the thing that people responded to - they’re going ‘this is an individual writing with his own point of view’.
There are better writers than me out there, there are smarter writers, there are people who can plot better - there are all those kinds of things, but there’s nobody who can write a Neil Gaiman story like I can.”
― Neil Gaiman


Day 26
Total word count: 46,699
Pages in Word: 90
Estimated mass market paperback pages:187

In my last post, I said I would share the plot of my story, so I guess I have to deliver now. Just keep in mind, that by sharing this plot idea, I present a brain child to the world like Simba in the Lion King: up for view, for potential admiration or critical judgment.

I have based my novel on true accounts I have read about women during WWII who worked in the OSS, the predecessor of the CIA. My novel tells the story of one young woman's experience. I don't want to reveal too much about the storyline, but I hope that tiny snippet simultaneously satisfies and piques people's curiosity about it.

With only a handful of days left in the challenge, I can see that I will not be finished writing down the entire story by the end of this month. I hope that is a sign of a decently strong plot!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! This year, I am particularly grateful for the gift of my expression and for this experience. I am also grateful for a supportive husband who has cheered me on this whole time, even at his own inconvenience.

Save Thanksgiving!!

I love Christmas. I like finding gifts for my family, catering presents to their hobbies and personalities, to our inside jokes and connections. But I have to admit that I dislike Christmas shopping. Crowds. Tons of merchandise no one needs. People buying stuff they can't afford. Children screaming--more than usual anyway.

A few years ago, Tracy and I stayed up and decided to go to Walmart to witness our first Black Friday. In the past, we have gone shopping later in the afternoon on Black Friday, well after the rush, and found some items we wanted. But we wanted to see what we had heard about on the news: the mass of humanity in a whirlwind of chaos and greed. Although we did not witness a trampling, we saw people who had three or more TVs stacked in their carts with another cart full of toys. We saw the lines circle completely around the store. In all honesty, my stomach churned. Didn't we just spend a day being grateful for what we have? Now we're stocking up to get more stuff.

I'm sure everyone has heard the news that Walmart will open its doors at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day, which shocked me. Even more alarming, Kmart will open its deal-busting doors at 6 a.m. on Thanksgiving! Before we can even put the turkey in the oven (much less take it out and eat it), play turkey bowl, watch the parade, count our blessings, or even wish family Happy Thanksgiving, some of us are out anxiously shopping and pushing for deals in store lines, convinced that this stuff will make our holidays meaningful.

Although some companies attribute their early opening to a Christmas season six days shorter this year, I would argue that businesses already start the commercial Christmas season before Halloween. Commercials play jingly tunes before we've carved a pumpkin. Christmas products, decorations, and specialty items crowd the stores well before the spooky costumes leave the shelves. So why do Christmas deals have to occur only on one occasion, Black Friday? Why not have a Black Saturday (or whatever color you'd like to put with it) the Saturday before Thanksgiving? Then wait and have more crazy sales on Black Friday.Why not sprinkle the crazy deals from October through December?

The Huffington Post posted an article a few days ago that made me want to hug some business executives--or at least give them a friendly high five--for the first time ever. Some companies stand for preserving Thanksgiving for the holiday that it should be. I hope that their integrity will be rewarded with increase sales as well as warm fuzzies from doing the right thing.

According to the Huffington Post article, some shoppers have started petitions, which I wouldn't not sign (for the double negative impaired, this means I would sign it), but I think what would send a clearer message to companies is simply not shopping until Black Friday really starts--on Friday. You may miss some deals. You may even have fewer gifts. But there comes a time when you have to decide: what are you willing to spend your holiday time with? Family or things? People or prices?

When I think back on Christmases and Thanksgivings past, I remember some significant gifts, some significant objects or things. But more than that, I remember moments, traditions, time spent with my parents, siblings, and friends that no door-busting deal on a cell phone can replace. I hope people realize that by saving Thanksgiving for family and reflection, we save what truly makes this time of year special.