Goodness Gracious Great Balls of . . .

I have never boasted of being a good cook. I hate deciding what to eat, and I'm not very experienced in different modes of cooking. I feed myself and my husband tolerably well--I try to use some variety, but I also play it safe and use my go-to recipes and dishes. Being married to an older man has enabled me to learn from him and expand my cooking skills a bit, and he has exposed me to a couple of foods I didn't eat growing up. The kitchen is probably my least favorite room in the house--it's saving grace is that my ice cream lives in the kitchen. But I still do not enjoy cooking and don't ever see that changing.

As pessimistic as that sounds, yesterday was proof.  On Saturday night, I was brave. I attempted to make monkey bread, but being not so brave, I used a recipe that involved those biscuits from a can. Bunt-less, I used a normal casserole dish and underestimated how much the bread would rise. Spillage everywhere. It being Saturday night, I decided to wait to clean the bottom of my oven until Monday.

Yesterday, I was making cookies (easy, right?) for our church choir, and smoke emerged from the stove burners. My oven had caught on fire. Although the flame was not big at all (probably the circumference of a cantaloupe), I yelled for Tracy to help me put out the fire and get rid of the smoke before the smoke alarms went off. As we rushed about to fetch fans and open windows, the timer for the cookies (which by the way sounds a lot like the smoke alarm) went off, and Tracy looked at me and said, "The cookies are done!" with his child-like happy grin on his face. I laughed, but I also secretly cursed the kitchen in my head.

Playing Shakespeare: Making Up Words

I think by now that many people understand or know the tremendous effect Shakespeare has had on the English language. He created many of the common phrases and words we use now. In composition, we say that beginning writers should follow models of strong writing, so why not follow Shakespeare’s example and create new phrases and words? (Just make sure you use them in the appropriate context, e.g. not in a formal cover letter, etc.)

In speech, we can get away with a lot of sayings that aren’t necessarily acceptable in formal writing. So I take the opportunity in my informal speech to introduce words that people probably don’t hear frequently, or ever for that matter. Admittedly, these words aren’t as sophisticated as Shakespeare’s, but I have to start somewhere. For your ease, I have provided definitions, the International Phonetic Alphabet pronunciations (I think my word font changed some of them so bear with me on them), other words I commonly use in place of said made-up words, and usage examples of my most common or my recent favorite made up phrases and words. Take that Shakespeare!

Doink (/dɔink/): n. a person who demonstrates a lack of common sense, See also ding-a-ling or ding-dong; v. to do something incorrectly or mess it up; to lose control of a ball or sports object, see also shank; adj. to be out of place or contorted. "That driver crossed five lanes in one motion. What a doink!" (My mom created this word, and we use it in almost any part of speech in my family frequently, but people outside our family give me funny looks when I do use it. I can’t imagine why . . .)

-esque and -ish. Obviously these suffixes are already in common usage, but I apply it to almost any noun or adjective. For example, officialesque or officialish (I know that these don’t make sense at first glance--how can something have qualities of being official and not be--but if you have ever played church sports, they start to make perfect sense). 

Loquidiot (/lokwIdiǝt/): n. a person who talks incessantly about nonsensical rubbish, a combination of loquacious and idiot. “The loquidiot’s complaining prevented his co-workers from explaining that the door opens by pushing, not pulling it.” (Tracy invented this one with a former roommate.)

Whomp (/wamp/): v. to create an unfortunate or undesirable effect or situation, see also suck. “I have five loads of laundry to do by myself. This whomps!” (I actually remember hearing this on a cartoon called Recess when I was a child. So although I did not create it, I have kept using it and therefore claim it.)

Yoink (/jɔink/): v. to grab; to steal, although not maliciously, see also commonly used pilfer or filch; to borrow. “Mind if I yoink your pen for a second?”

I know I have more, but these are the ones I can think of at the moment. If we talk soon, I’m sure you’ll hear others. 

Have you made up words? I’d love for you to share them!!

Cheerleader Time! DEFENSE!!!

Tracy is so darn close to being done! He has one more revision of his thesis, and he plans to defend on October 7. (Sidenote: I hate that it is a called a defense. Are they attacking him? Are they shooting arrows at him? I suppose they could shoot figurative arrows of academic skepticism at him, but to my understanding, a defense entails more of a discussion between academic peers. If ever a word would evoke terror in graduate students' minds and hearts, it is defense. Sidenote over.)

Because Tracy already has a job waiting for him after graduation, he feels pretty motivated already to finish his thesis as soon as he can. But I wanted to give him some sugary energy and a fun message from me to cheer him on.

In case you can't read the sign or the labels on the candy, the message says, "Hey Tracy, It's CRUNCH time!! Pull out all your TWIX and push to PAYDAY. Our joyful SNICKERS later will make your 100 GRAND effort worth it!" The Reese's honestly doesn't fit into a sentence. I just stuck in on there at the end because it is his favorite candy. I suppose I could have done something with the "King Size" part, but oh well.

Some have asked whether he has taken advantage of my editing skills, and the answer is NO. I only looked over one grant proposal a little over a year ago. Otherwise, I have not read one page of his text. I have helped PhD candidates in chemical engineering, mechanical engineering, marketing, animal science, etc. with improving journal articles and their theses or dissertations. So why have I not helped Tracy with his thesis, you ask? In geology, every other word is jargon and almost every sentence appears in the passive voice. In the past, Tracy took 10 minutes to explain one paragraph to me without using field-specific terminology so I could understand the concept. That fact alone makes that process pretty painful. So he has opted to revise it a million times on his own with his adviser. He hasn't asked me to look at it, so I'll just cheer him on and be there however I can if and when he needs me.

Cheer with me: DEFENSE!! (clap, clap) DEFENSE!! (clap, clap)

Remembering 9/11

If you have not read Thomas S. Monson's amazing statement to the Washington Post about 9/11, you can read it here. I feel like I'm just elaborating on my specific examples of what he said.

I was thirteen, almost fourteen, on September 11, 2001. I admit my age to state that I am of the generation that was old enough to realize what happened ten years ago but not understand how truly horrific it was, much less why. Why would someone attack the United States? Why would someone use a plane as a weapon? Why would anyone want to kill so many people?

Ten years later, I still can't answer many of these why questions. The thought of justifying murder and attack boggles my mind and conscience. However, I have found some other answers to the real questions that I didn't expect.

-Life is precious and sacred. We never know when it will shift on us. Everyone realized what matters most after 9/11. We can't forget that lesson, even when times are good.

-A personal lesson I have learned is that violence for violence's sake should not be cool or entertaining. Too many people said, "It looked like a movie" on 9/11. A disconnect between reality and fantasy has clouded the horror of violence. I admit to liking some action movies, which seems like the contradiction of the century next to my previous statement. However, I think there is a difference between violence for violence's sake and violence that has an appropriate, meaningful, reasonable purpose. We have to be careful that we do not become desensitized and glorify mutilation of the human body, lest we cheapen the horror of what some people have endured.

-We should never let fear or ignorance prevent us from discovering truth or meeting good people. While we were in Pullman, Washington, we met a Muslim couple who invited us to come to their mosque for a visitor's day. We enthusiastically accepted the invitation and found that while we did not understand the rituals in Arabic, we did not feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or pressured by the people worshiping there. Afterward, they answered our questions and shared their views on modesty (while mine are not as "radical" in appearance, the general premise is exactly the same), health and diet (again, very similar to my beliefs), and other things that amazingly seemed similar to the Judeo-Christian traditions. Most of all, they clarified common myths about their faith--sound familiar? When we moved to College Station, two men from Iraq lived across from us. They wanted to practice their English, so they invited us over for dinner. They were happy to be in the United States, despite the beyond extensive background checks, interviews, and searches they endured. They showed us pictures of their children, told jokes in broken English, and became our friends. Good people come from all walks of life and beliefs. We need to try to treat others with respect and kindness and live the best way we know how.

-Every religion has had people who misuse their faith to justify horrible things. I don't understand how someone can misinterpret religious texts and put words in God's mouth. I will do my personal best to honor my beliefs (God is merciful, yet just. He loves everyone, and so should we) in my interaction with everyone--either in or out of my faith.

The greatest homage we can pay to those who have paid the ultimate price is to rebuild, to change, to live differently--live happier, smarter, more selflessly, braver, better.

Can Life Get Any Better? I Submit That It Cannot!

 On Friday, we got to see one of our favorite comedians--Brian Regan! When we found out that he was coming to Texas A&M for their First Yell (a long-running tradition to practice their yells before the first football game--yes, this really is a tradition), we knew we had to get tickets.

I don't like too many comedians. I mean I have moments when I appreciate a certain joke, but I don't necessarily like a specific comedian because most comedians use horrible language or aren't clever or mature enough not to refer inappropriately to sex or bodily functions in their acts. I can't think of anything that Brian Regan has said that made me feel uncomfortable.

However, one of Brian's jokes this past Friday started out with his suggestion that we should all get one free kill. At first that seemed very . . . uh . . . disturbing, but just hear how he says it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSpTPYjeifI&feature=related

Love it!!

In the university's newspaper, one of the yell leaders referred to a time when Brian Regan said he would not tell a joke he wouldn't say to his kids. Awesome! He even tells jokes his son suggests for his act: "Why aren't there anymore dinosaurs? Because they're all dead." ha.

We loved it. If you ask me real nice, I can share some of his other jokes (about dancing, the College Station airport, etc.).

For those of you who do not know Brian Regan's genius, watch these and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_GbDFqimdU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP4zgb9H3Cg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONBNYTNDz-Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89frRi8GgGA&NR=1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7W3_tRV_3s&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7W3_tRV_3s&feature=related


An entertained, happy couple!

English Insanity!

My job puts in the same room with many people from all over the world:  Japan, Korea, Taiwan, China, India, Iraq, Mexico, Peru, Argentina, France, etc. One of the most enjoyable, yet challenging, things about my job is that I explain to these global scholars the difference between “write it down” and “write it up.” Idiomatic phrasal verbs (a verb+ a preposition) are among the hardest to explain. Often, I provide reasons for phrases and usages that I have never thought about before because I am a native speaker.

Think about the phrasal verb turn.

Turn on can used for lights (or a machine) or attraction. The difference? The latter includes a noun or pronoun referring to a person. Then, we can also use turn on with streets and directions (“Turn on Kensington Drive”). Most of the uses of turn off provide convenient opposite uses of turn on, which believe me is rather rare.

Unlike turn on and turn off pair, turn out and turn in are completely unrelated to each other. Turn out can refer to a crowd’s presence (“We’ll see how many people turn out [Note: turn up also works here] for the party”) or the outcome of a situation: “I hope things turn out okay.” Turn out could mean that someone or something has been evicted: “The poor family was turned out yet again.” Like turn off, turn out can refer to lighting “Who turned out the lights?” Turn in means to go to sleep or to give something. “I turned in my resume.”

Turn into and turn in to are a fun couple to talk about. One little space changes meaning here. Turn into means to change or transform (e.g. “She turned me into a newt”). Turn in to means to give something to someone or change direction (e.g. “He turned his paper in to his professor late” and “I turned in to the parking lot”). But what about the statement, “I turned (into/in to) a pole”? I assume that I did not transform into a pole, so I also assume that it should be in to. However, one little space says that by a magical spell I changed into a pole. I once enthusiastically pointed this funny and fun difference out to a native-speaking student, and he slowly said, “Okay.” Just saying!

Turn up, as stated before, can refer to attendance, but it can also refer to positive results: “Things are turning up!” Turn up can be used for measurable controls: “Turn up the AC!” Turn down means to deny a request: “He turned me down.”

I have to get pretty creative in explaining why certain prepositions go with certain usages. For example, I might come up with a pneumonic device to help them remember that turn in means to sleep inside the covers in bed. But how do I explain that we say that a house can burn up and burn down at the same time? Is it logical to say that we fill in a form by filling it out? At some point, I shrug and apologize for the insanity.

So just one verb, turn, with just some of its prepositions has many different meanings. How many verbs are there? Don’t use the wrong preposition in the wrong context or you’ll be saying something you don’t mean to say. Good luck, English learners!

More than anything in this discussion, I just wish to show how insane and how similar to Frankenstein’s monster English is. I love my language’s complexities and oddities, but I think we native English speakers could have a little more patience, understanding, and respect for those who are learning it.

Hold Your Horses!!

Okay, so I dropped off the face of the blogging planet for a couple of months. Sorry, I'm back.

I don't know if anyone would remember when I posted my "Before I Die" list, but I stated that one of things I would like to do before I die is learn how to ride a horse comfortably.

I got a chance to practice a couple of months ago! My awesome boss has horses and invited all of us to come out to her place for a work party. She had a couple of her horses saddled up and ready to ride.

I didn't get up to a trot or gallop because the horse I rode is still being trained. They just wanted to make sure she didn't buck me off or try to run away with me on her back. I guess I can appreciate that. She said we can come back and ride whenever we want. I'm totally taking her up on that!

 Doc loves doing his favorite trick. Too bad we didn't have any treats to give him.

 This is Sunny, the horse I rode. She's still pretty young, but she's pretty sweet.

 Tracy enjoyed being around the horses too!

 This is Bug. He's the largest and the leader of the group.

I love horses!!!